Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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