Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
