Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
