i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
