Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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