I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
