Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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