what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
