We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
