i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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