He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
