Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
