There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
