Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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