I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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