Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
