you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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