it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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