Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
