When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
