i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
