My nipple is on Facebook.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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