I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
