Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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