haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
