get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
