I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
