Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
