dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Never underestimate the power of titties
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