I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Jerry, you need to find god
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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