Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
