dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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