The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
