grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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