drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
