Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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