Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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