so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
