Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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