; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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