Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
50% drunk capacity currently
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
