You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
My boob is missing a layer of skin
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
