I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
