It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
