I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
