Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
