I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
