Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
