Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
