there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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