I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
