hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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