Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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