i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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