Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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