You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
