Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Randomize
