I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
